PAINFUL NIGHTS

In the midst of the night, while people lay to rest, my soul awakens due to the
sudden standstill in my dreams caused by the pain I feel in my heart, the sadness
and hurt fluctuates as the moon reaches its peak, it’s as if the moons dark light
shines on my wrongs causing the darkness in me to reach a certain point that
even physical pain has no impact on my mental self anymore.
How ironic it is that in the day when the sun is out and people are joyous and
happy, my sad dark soul is asleep, gathering its energy to give me another
tiresome night filled with all the negativity and hurt and paving way for
depression to eat up my daytime.
Dealing with the pain has lead to the imprisonment of my happiness, joy
laughter, love all locked in a cage, guarded by sadness and pain. The results being
numb and incapable to feel. A body with no insides, a heart with no emotional
value. At times I wish pain could’ve gotten hold of my life, enabling me not to
breathe so I could finally find peace in the land of the dead.
Everything I write about has to do with love, always referring back to the
heartbreaks of the past to console my present life. As much I walk with
confidence and a smile on my face, I can never go a day without having to drug
myself in order to feel no pain, at the end I’ve just gotten so used to wearing
make-up and masks that even when people ask how I am, I say I’m okay without
thinking about how I truly feel
Maybe just maybe I have fallen in love with pain, maybe all the sweet notes and
endless love letters have finally made me weak to my knees that I have fallen
madly in love with it but well who truly knows how pain actually makes me feel